Frequently Asked Questions

This section is part of the Romance.ucam.org online help system. (show contents). You can also view the entire document as a single very long page.

What constitutes acceptable behaviour?

Online, one's instincts for social norms are slightly hampered. This is partly due to the nature of the medium (in text, no one can perceive cues from e.g. body-language); partly because people are anonymous; and partly because, since this is a personals site, it is perfectly normal to "chat up" strangers. Fundamentally, the most important thing is to be polite, and to behave in the same way you would "in real life". Remember, you are talking to real people, with real feelings! Do as you would be done by.

Likewise, you have to use your judgement, and read the person's profile. If they say they are looking for 'flirtation and more...', then it's OK to 'flirt' back. If they are not, (or if the profile is empty), then you must not.

For example, consider the site as being like a virtual jazz club. It is the same as the real version in every way except two: talking to strangers is encouraged, and people (usually) have a description which you can read before you begin to talk to them. The threshold for approaching a stranger is much lower, but the person you are talking to is just the same as in "real life".

Note: It is not acceptable to send messages with random offers of sex, not even polite ones, unless the recipient's profile makes it very clear that she would appreciate such a message. You won't get a positive answer, but you will diminish her enjoyment of the site, and this in turn will reduce your chances. You may be kicked off for offensive behaviour. Should you receive such a message, please don't just assume it's normal. Such behaviour is unnacceptable; if it does happen, please do report it.

Offline interactions with people you meet here are outside of our control and supervision. However, anyone whose impeccable deportment on this site serves merely to mask less-than-perfect behaviour offline will be unwelcome to continue to enjoy our hospitality. Gentlemenly behviour is expected!

When you meet in person, it is important to respect boundaries; be aware that, for some people, their limits/personal-space are much more cautious than others, and that not everyone has the same model of courtship. Communication is the key... remember to pay attention to, and listen to the other person, and, critically, remember that the other person is not telepathic: if you do feel uncomfortable, use your words rather than hoping that your "signals" are being picked up, however obvious they may seem to you. Obviously, "stop" means Stop!.

You should also read the policy on content, the etiquette, and remember that obnoxious behaviour will be dealt with, usually by bannning the offender from the site.

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